The Innie in Introverts

2 Jun

One of my blog readers, also a blogger herself, Sarah expressed her concerns about  being an introvert when I mentioned in my previous  post that I was one. I found that I had a lot to say and explain about the misconceptions of being an introvert. To be frank, I wanted to write about this subject a long time ago yet I was flirting with this idea and I thought that now everybody knows about it. Turns out I was wrong. I guess now is my lawful duty to explain and talk about the fact of being an introvert. So this post is dedicated to all introverts, specifically speaking to Sarah. :)

Introversion and Extroversion are a part of long way study of personalities. To be anyone of those is not a phase or something that you will eventually “get over with”. It is genetics more like the color of your eyes. What does it mean to be an introvert? Introverts, unlike extroverts, tend to find their comfort zone within themselves. Meaning that they feel at ease and at home when they are alone doing whatever they indulge in, or not doing anything at all. They tend to speak less in public, especially when there are more than four people surrounding. And when given a choice to either go to a party or stay at home doing nothing, they will hold on to staying at home with their claws, jaws, and about anything that clutches this.

People like to pity them and in general would call them “loners”. What they don’t get is that introverts enjoy this to the max. They do not see the enjoyment in going out and being socially active; and because one out of three are born to be introverts, they are a minority and they are seen to be “weird” and they try to push them away from their weirdness. That is a myth along with many others.  Continue reading →

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Did You Smile Today?

30 May

Around six months ago I started a survey via internet around the subject “Smiling”. Many bloggers (such as Kuwaitiful , HisHersQ8, Q8blend .. and so forth) who helped spreading the survey, many online people (that I know and don’t know) kindly participated in this survey, even though it had nothing to with cookies ;p. The sum of 71 different people helped make this survey possible for analysis. So 71 thanks to all of you there. Thank you very much!! To read the result I have pdf-ed them for the world to view here ( A_Survey_on_Smiling (2) ).

Just so I can include in the picture to why I proceeded with such a survey. I know smiling has such a huge effect on people it is mentioned in our Sunna as the following pictures says:

And it is as well studied in a scientific form where the result that smiling releases some kind of endorphin (?)  that is such a mood lifter. However, here is my own insights on this subject. Before six months I had one of my many crazy ideas to show people how much it is important to smile and in a way to show it through a miniature study. A part of this study is a ten question survey (above) which is not that deep only a quick, broad questions on the effect of smiling on one’s mood, and on strangers (I do confess that it may hold a part of errors there, but generally it is good according to content. Check it yourself).

The second part of the study (or whatever it is supposed to be called) is based on my own actions. Six months ago I decided to pack a bag of smiles and to distribute them on people that either I hardly know or did not know at all. Six months ago I did not know anybody in college, let us just say I spent all my time either reading, studying, writing with barely any human interaction outside of class. Which is normal, it is not a pity at all where I was an introvert by nature. Except for the sake of the study, I started to slowly edge away from my usual self and smile to almost everyone I came across to. At first I was self-observed where  I was not comfortable at all with this whole “Smiling at strangers” thing. However, I sensed through my efforts to smile that people started to open up to me, get closer and not fear my existence. Gradually I started to smile more often until it became a habit of mine.  I would smile to the cleaner at college and she would be filled with joy for this small gesture, this smile little thing made wonders. I really do not know how much the effect is but in return I go a huger smile that made me smile more. This just brightened my day.

People started to open up with what they felt about me. One girl told, whom I had classes with last year, said to me that before she thought I was a deeply self-involved person that has a weight of life time problems on my shoulder, yet when I first smiled at her, that one single smile everything changed since then. Now she sees me as a totally different person. I’m fully aware that my smile is not magical or sensational I just believe that the act of purely smiling changes everything. Because I’ve went through it I could now say that smiling is not just a gesture it is a mood lifter, it really did effect me in a pleasant way, and so it did effect others as well.

Just a week ago the man at Coffee Republic in his Indian accent told the other employee “She’s a good girl”, I smiled and said “Who my friend?” He replied, “No, You!” And I asked with amazement, “Why?” Then he answered with something that made me smile more, “Because you smile.”

I do not know what is your position right now or later on. We all have our days and self-doubt, but in the end I do believe that a smile is a beginning of a change. A smile makes your day better, and I speak of experience. :)

So…….,

-Esperanza Writes

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Reality Stage (Short Story)

24 May

I have always been known to be the multimillionaire in town. The twenty-five year old, self-made multimillionaire young man who everyone felt in awe of. My wits and intelligence made me that man, made me into this well-known person who escalated himself from nothing to well… something. Born an orphan I made sure that I will be that man and here I am today a man who has a lot of money in his hands yet no person in hand. A rich lonely fellow that was it.

This loneliness made me depressed more often than the usual basis. The idea of going to a therapist aroused my thoughts sometimes but my ego did not allow me to do so. I had a business to run and I must not show my weakness to others. So that is how my life is summed up to. I would mask happiness yet nothing about me was happy. I spent lots and lots of money on things I did not need or want for that matter and never did I stop. I showed people how I was a happy, content man that everyone envied. And so did I live a false life at such a young age.

Therefore, my story begins with those reasons. It always happens in a certain day. Everything new or sudden comes within a day. To me it was that day. That day where I was at the peak of my depression mood, throwing my money around, walking around with suicidal thoughts. I then decided that I need to end this. To end my life which I cannot handle.

I went to a drug store trying to compete with my thoughts “should I do that or should I not?” It echoed in my thoughts while I went to one of the shelves. I picked up any pack of pills that my hand could reach and I went on my way to the cashier. He gives me a knowing nod and I nod back. He takes the pills, checks it in, and I hand him a  bunch of bills motioning to him to keep the change. I wait for him to put it in a bag for me, while I am at that I notice fliers on the desk. I do not know why but I reach my hand out picking one up along with my bag of purchased pills and I head out.

The flyer is for a monodrama play. I remember thinking what is a monodrama play? It was my first time I hear of such kind of play. I decide right there to go. The flyer said it is staged the same day in an hour. So I go. I go to see what this is about. At least, I think, when I die I would have learned something new. At least when I die I would die fulfilling some certain kind of thing. I’m not sure how important that thing since I’m going to die anyway and it won’t be important when I am no longer alive; but it is more like a death wish. Like when a person is sentenced to death he has one last wish to be fulfilled. The same thing is with me. Except the difference is that their life is taken reluctantly and mines is with my own will.

I see a one man stage show. A one actor performing his emotions and his inner thoughts in such an effecting way. The performer acts for more than an hour alone without any minor actors or majors. Just him showing an inner conflict in his life. Showing us the character’s deep secrets, fears, moments of sadness and about everything a solo person is afraid to tell out loud. An hour of that made me thinking. I am much fascinated by what I have seen. And a wacky idea rose into my  head. I should do this. I should make a monodrama play. I do not only should do this but I need to do this. And I get determined. I’ve set my mind. I’m going to do it. Continue reading →

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Dear You,

21 May

Dear You,

I have been hesitating whether to write this letter or not. Words unsaid is better than words said in a way, where there is no faults to retrieve or to apologize for.  It is easier to be safe but within all this being safe does not keep you going forward. I write this letter with indifferent matter to being objective. In the case of you I could never be objective I only could be a part of the whole thing and that is a fact rather than opinion.

Allow me to share with you what I wrote in my previous letter, just a small part of it:

I’m not sure if I should write this letter to someone specific or not. I’m not even sure what to write about.

During the past weeks my heart experienced some new kind of reluctant emotions. It grew  weaker than stronger, then weaker, then stronger. Much confused of its choice. Things are undecided and a coward soul comes in. I’m not making sense am I?

This is where I feel I repeat myself. I know that but how can I make sense when I’m afraid of all that is to come? How can I when all I allow myself to speak with is bunch of coded words?

Here is when I’m asking you to decode those words. It is all up to you.

I end that letter with:

Today I came across this riddle:

“I’m the part of the bird that’s not in the sky. I can swim in the ocean and yet remain dry. What am I?’

Even though the answer is simply “A shadow” to me the answer and the question means more.

With my tranquil heart,

Me

-Esperanza Writes

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Under the Name of Religion

19 May

I hope this won’t be sidetracking under the wrong way or understood in a different way. All I am to say here is out of love of my religion. I love my religion so much and I do believe in it’s superiority and the justice it gives and it hurts me and makes me angry when people, well known people scratches such a sacred thing. It is my duty now I understand to voice myself through this post.

Islam is such an amazing religion and I thank Allah a thousand times, even though it is not enough, that I am inborn with a religion where  answers to everything lies there. Where we have the sacred Holy Quran as our source. Islam is beautiful and that is a fact.

Lately as we go on with science and discoveries and everything that blows the mind we come to meet people who opposes it “under the name of religion” that this is forbidden or haram without any evidence to whatever they are submitting. The one and only source to their saying is a formulated opinion of theirs under whatever they see and think, over the surface, is wrong. Now I do not mean the obvious things that Allah and his Prophet Muhammad ( Sallah Allah Alaihi wa Salam) stated as it is there is no questioning  it. Yet here I’m talking about the evolve of science about people trying so hard and go on with their analysis and then BAM someone corrupts the name of religion and says “You know what this is haram” when they know nothing about this new thing.

Allow me to state an example when magicians came out they opposed them and said that they probably working with demons or “Jinn” and the truth is all of this is just allusion trying to trick you . You think they would show you their tricks? Of course not then what is the use if they reveal their things? This is just a stupid example but this is the truth everything new comes out someone goes out and shouts “This is forbidden”.

I’m a religious person. I believe in everything that Allah stated is right and justice without questioning it, here I’m not opposing religion I’m only opposing certain people who under the name of Islam pass their own judgment. Allah the Almighty said:

 (وَمَا أُوتِيتُمْ مِنَ الْعِلْمِ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا) [الإسراء: 85].

Allah says that we still have a long run to discover all the knowledge that is on earth and even then we won’t find it. So why go against all the knew discoveries when Allah and his Prophet encourged us to search and to make  earth a better place:

عن أنسٍ رضيَ الله عنه عن النبي (صلى الله عليه و سلم)  قال :

( إِنْ قَامَتْ السَّاعَةُ وَفي ِيَدِ أَحَدِكُمْ فَسِيلَةٌ ،فَإِنْ اسْتَطَاعَ أَنْ لَا يَقُومَ حَتَّى يَغْرِسَهَا؛ فَلْيَغْرِسْها )‏.

Ages ago people thought that the earth is flat, now with technology and new sciences we know that the earth is rounded. Who knows what will be discovered in the next years. If science had stopped the world would have stopped. If you want to state your own opinion that you did not like something, be my guest and say whatever you want you are free. Formulate your opinion as you want just don’t say it under the name of religion, do not go on and saying nonsense over things you do not own any knowledge of. If you see a certain thing that you think goes against our religion then go deep, look into it, provide it with evidence from the Quran and the Sunna, then you have the right to have a say under religion. Otherwise, you are not entitled to scratch such a sacred thing. Islam is rich. It is beautiful. It is justice. It is created by the creator Allah (Subhanah Wa Ta’ala) why wouldn’t be fair?

This is a post defending Islam, my beloved religion.

-Esperanza Writes

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رفرفت حول عنقي فراشة

16 May

رفرفت حول عنقي فراشة ,

ثم رست على أذني,

و همست بكلماتٍ أسطوريه,

بلغة هليغروفيه,

قالت “سيدتي إنني أحمل رسالة,

رسالة كتبت بحروف من ماء المشاعر,

تقول: إنني مشتاق, و عذرا لاشتياقي,

عذرا أقولها بوجع, عذرا,

عذرا لأني أشتاق لرؤية شعاع وجهك,

عذرا لأني أحن لكلمة “نحن”,

عذرا لأني أحتضن ذكراك,

عذرا لأني أريد ملامسة أناملك,

عذرا… عذرا… لم أقصد الاعتذار,

لِمَ أعتذر لمشاعر تبث  من الجوف البعيد,

تحمل صدا الصارخ “مشتاق… مشتاق… مشتاق!”,

عذرا… لكنني, و أقولها بحرقةٍ, مشتاق”.”

و سكتت الفراشة, و رفرفت بعييييدا… بعيدا,

تاركة ً خلفها … رسالة.

 -أسبيرنزا رايتس

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Mannequin

14 May

In order to proceed with this post I have to tell you the story behind why I chose mannequin. The other day I was walking in the mall and I saw a beautiful dress on a mannequin outside a store I went inside and asked to see it. The thing is it was not that good, my comment was like this looks different not good enough as the one on the mannequin. Then I realized of course it must be good on a mannequin because it is perfect. Later that day I decided not only to write a post but sketch a mannequin to accompanies the post. However you could see I not really patient with sketching I prefer oil/acrylic over sketching, but so far the picture (above) was what I came with and it is still unfinished.

Anyway Mannequin:

Mannequin outside the store

Standing so sure, so beautiful no one can compete

Everything on you looks pretty glamorous

My heart-felt envious, if only I was you

“Mannequin!” I cried. “What fortune do you have? How lucky you are!”

“To be looked upon and be praised! To be the center of every glare!”

“If only I was you.”

“No.” Replied the Mannequin, “there is no fortune in myself.”

“There is no luck in the praise towards me.”

“For all I am is a mannequin from wood and plastic.”

“No heart to feel. No life to seek.”

“No glory to look forward to. No heart that feels neither the good nor the bad.”

“No tears to shed, no senses that work.”

“Only a good fitting for some dress.”

“A mannequin that is moved around and around with no tongue to yell ‘STOP!’”

“For the fortune is given to the soul.”

“And me, my dear, am only given clothes to be wore.”

-Esperanza Writes

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