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Bear My Thoughts (Pun Intended)

6 Jan

I have disappeared the past couple of months into a vacuum. However, I have not disappeared because of nothing but because all my energy has been focused on writing essays for my subjects on a weekly basis and whenever I got free time I would prefer spending it with putting my brains on a snooze mode.

Here, I am finally free (technically I was free a week ago) and I am in a holiday. It has been hectic trying to pull in everything I missed on out since the semester has started and doing the things that I love. Like watching movies where during the course I have alternated it with YouTube videos just to spare the time- because I could not just simply sit down and watch a movie for a period of time (even though I did it on rare basis). Reading, I miss reading outside materials that does not involve anything related to college, every time I attempt to pick a book a find myself not having time to read it and read college material- or feeling guilty that I am not reading the “suppose to read” stuff on the price of “self enjoyment” material. Add to that, writing outside stuff like writing this post- or simply just pouring my thoughts without thinking twice about what I should be or should not be writing and how “formal” the essay should be. Or that it should be flawless of grammatical errors (which will you be seeing a lot in this blog because I do not revise twice upon the post I have written- it is informal and I’m free to speak hence, no grading) just to be to the point and valid with the points I’m stating. It is kind of frustrating at times especially when each doctor had his/her own way of approving which is a good essay and which is not.

Lastly, hibernating- yes like a bear. Continue reading →

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The Weapon of Me

18 Jun

I’m not a coward person but I do find a preferred method in not speaking especially when it something so intense that I rather not see the reaction of the person in front of me. It is not a thing that I think is worth fighting for if I’m not heard. I also have a problem with delivering my message upright to the person in front of me. Hence, with all that I find my belonging and thoughts come into written words. I do believe I am best with expressing myself within them. Within writing, whether it was story telling where I deliver I certain message through them (yes, even outraged messages), or through being straight forward and saying it (or in my case writing it) in bold letters. Bottom line this is my weapon and this is my courage form. You want to know me read me. Trust me people who read the words I’m writing are the most people that know me, I’m raw here more like uncooked meat (but of course I’m not to be eaten ;p). But I guess you get what I am saying here. Writing is more like my words shouted out loud, my la-la land, my creme brule if you may say. And most of all it is my weapon that I am not afraid to use. So congrats people you know me too well I’m afraid you’ll black mail me (round of applause!).

Having said the above, my weapon does get rusted at times. My brain just freezes and is most probably afraid to be on the open verge even to admit it to myself. I’m like “no I’m not thinking that, not going to write that”, but who am I kidding, I am thinking it why am I hiding it? Yes, my brain needs renewal, not writer’s block (because no such exists) but what can I say it is more like I’m too engrossed to see the obvious. Oblivious to the obvious.

I’m not sure of any of that.. I’m not even sure if I should post this.. but you know what?

I’m not going to grip on those anymore, I’m going to loosen my grip on my thoughts. This is my home. This is my place.

Tea, coffee anyone?

-Esperanza Writes

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The Innie in Introverts

2 Jun

One of my blog readers, also a blogger herself, Sarah expressed her concerns about  being an introvert when I mentioned in my previous  post that I was one. I found that I had a lot to say and explain about the misconceptions of being an introvert. To be frank, I wanted to write about this subject a long time ago yet I was flirting with this idea and I thought that now everybody knows about it. Turns out I was wrong. I guess now is my lawful duty to explain and talk about the fact of being an introvert. So this post is dedicated to all introverts, specifically speaking to Sarah. :)

Introversion and Extroversion are a part of long way study of personalities. To be anyone of those is not a phase or something that you will eventually “get over with”. It is genetics more like the color of your eyes. What does it mean to be an introvert? Introverts, unlike extroverts, tend to find their comfort zone within themselves. Meaning that they feel at ease and at home when they are alone doing whatever they indulge in, or not doing anything at all. They tend to speak less in public, especially when there are more than four people surrounding. And when given a choice to either go to a party or stay at home doing nothing, they will hold on to staying at home with their claws, jaws, and about anything that clutches this.

People like to pity them and in general would call them “loners”. What they don’t get is that introverts enjoy this to the max. They do not see the enjoyment in going out and being socially active; and because one out of three are born to be introverts, they are a minority and they are seen to be “weird” and they try to push them away from their weirdness. That is a myth along with many others.  Continue reading →

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Did You Smile Today?

30 May

Around six months ago I started a survey via internet around the subject “Smiling”. Many bloggers (such as Kuwaitiful , HisHersQ8, Q8blend .. and so forth) who helped spreading the survey, many online people (that I know and don’t know) kindly participated in this survey, even though it had nothing to with cookies ;p. The sum of 71 different people helped make this survey possible for analysis. So 71 thanks to all of you there. Thank you very much!! To read the result I have pdf-ed them for the world to view here ( A_Survey_on_Smiling (2) ).

Just so I can include in the picture to why I proceeded with such a survey. I know smiling has such a huge effect on people it is mentioned in our Sunna as the following pictures says:

And it is as well studied in a scientific form where the result that smiling releases some kind of endorphin (?)  that is such a mood lifter. However, here is my own insights on this subject. Before six months I had one of my many crazy ideas to show people how much it is important to smile and in a way to show it through a miniature study. A part of this study is a ten question survey (above) which is not that deep only a quick, broad questions on the effect of smiling on one’s mood, and on strangers (I do confess that it may hold a part of errors there, but generally it is good according to content. Check it yourself).

The second part of the study (or whatever it is supposed to be called) is based on my own actions. Six months ago I decided to pack a bag of smiles and to distribute them on people that either I hardly know or did not know at all. Six months ago I did not know anybody in college, let us just say I spent all my time either reading, studying, writing with barely any human interaction outside of class. Which is normal, it is not a pity at all where I was an introvert by nature. Except for the sake of the study, I started to slowly edge away from my usual self and smile to almost everyone I came across to. At first I was self-observed where  I was not comfortable at all with this whole “Smiling at strangers” thing. However, I sensed through my efforts to smile that people started to open up to me, get closer and not fear my existence. Gradually I started to smile more often until it became a habit of mine.  I would smile to the cleaner at college and she would be filled with joy for this small gesture, this smile little thing made wonders. I really do not know how much the effect is but in return I go a huger smile that made me smile more. This just brightened my day.

People started to open up with what they felt about me. One girl told, whom I had classes with last year, said to me that before she thought I was a deeply self-involved person that has a weight of life time problems on my shoulder, yet when I first smiled at her, that one single smile everything changed since then. Now she sees me as a totally different person. I’m fully aware that my smile is not magical or sensational I just believe that the act of purely smiling changes everything. Because I’ve went through it I could now say that smiling is not just a gesture it is a mood lifter, it really did effect me in a pleasant way, and so it did effect others as well.

Just a week ago the man at Coffee Republic in his Indian accent told the other employee “She’s a good girl”, I smiled and said “Who my friend?” He replied, “No, You!” And I asked with amazement, “Why?” Then he answered with something that made me smile more, “Because you smile.”

I do not know what is your position right now or later on. We all have our days and self-doubt, but in the end I do believe that a smile is a beginning of a change. A smile makes your day better, and I speak of experience. :)

So…….,

-Esperanza Writes

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Do You Hate Me?

26 Apr

Since the end of last semester I have been accidentally involved with English day. Now English day  is basically two days in Kuwait University by the English department (obviously) that students from the same department do some acting and presenting …etc. The first day is for presentations under three categories 1. Literature 2. Linguistics 3. Current affairs. The second day is for plays (I think that is all).

I’m participating in the first day with a nine minutes presentations with a friend of mines talking about a literature story where we have joined both different research papers (ours) into one presentation. This required months of planning, thinking, stressing, and adjusting. Yes we are basically two nerds who worked so hard on this presentation.

Me trying to point out my point of view

Except this is my first time ever to present in front of an audience (not counting the play that I acted in with a minor role in high school where I kinda forgot my lines while performing) so I asked our Doctor (that is our instructor through the presentations) to make an audience during our rehearsals so I could adjust through it and see how my “stuttering and nerves” goes. Before yesterday’s rehearsal by an hour or so my friend and I rehearsed and I was having difficulties with the closing statement because we just wrote it this week with the help of the Doctor, yet I managed to do it. And we went to the auditorium that was full with both girls and guys and we were the second to go.

My hands flying all over the place, obviously

My heart was beating so hard yet I managed to go through the presentation with a little of stuttering and few hands flying all over the place but otherwise it was fine… UNTIL.. the closing statement where went smoothly through the first couple sentences but then suddenly my brain went dead.. like dead then stay silent, turn to my friend whisper a “sorry”, then as I just was about to proceed I see my Doctor shaking his head, then I stop again and say “Do you hate me?” Which made everybody crack and then I just do realize what I have said and laugh as well!! Except the Doctor wasn’t shaking his head for me but for someone else!! Then I completed quickly the rest.. yet I seriously do not know what happened to me asking this question ;p

Me laughing at the end realizing what I just said

 In two weeks is my actual presentation (9th of may) and I’m really hoping I do not throw in an awkward comment such as yesterday. I’ve been rehearsing since yesterday till now so I would not lose myself to a larger audience later on.

Piece of advice: No matter how much you get stuck with your presentation for God sake do not ask the Doctor whether he hates you or not.. avoid emotional comment.. notes taken.. hopefully.

Wish me luck!

p.s: I did not put my friends picture because I have not asked permission. She is awesome with the presentation and surely she did not ask if the Doctor hates her or not ;p

-Esperanza Writes

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The Art of Procrastinating

23 Apr

“pro·cras·ti·na·tion” – The act of procrastinating; putting off or delaying or deferring an action to a later time.

Procrastination is one of the very awful sicknesses that we all suffer from, specifically speaking: I suffer from. Everything that you should be doing right now you don’t do and work on something irrelevant just to run away from it. Yet on the other hand I think procrastinating is an art, and here is why:

When we procrastinate we usually delay a work that is bothering us and we tend to hate doing it right now or even think of it because it causes us stress. As a result we do other stuff and our mind goes all over the place trying to find things to do, in piles, just to fill up the time span between the actual work you need to finish and the deadline with anything and everything. (Like you see in the youtube video (above) for my most favorite youtubers ever called Charlie where he talks about the issue of procrastinating from his perspective. He is amazing I love him and I think I have a crush on him ;p watch it you won’t regret it). Most of things you come up with could be as useless as you’ve ever thought anything could be. However some probabilities do break down the expectations and in between the many things you do, (hold on a second I’m hearing gun shots outside……. Ok back again), you find one or more creative things that you’ve came up with right on the spot!! That, my dear readers that just popped in here to read a humble yet most probably useful post, I call: The Art of Procrastinating.

Take me for instance, I’m a somewhat huge procrastinator and usually when I delay my college work I end up with a well-written post and/or a scrapbook. Sometimes I would be reading articles irrelevant to my work and a new idea formulates in the midst of my brain. You see this is the core of creativity that leads you from nothing to something that never came in mind. Even though if it is not that much of a creative thing it is still something, something is better than nothing, always always always!

Later when you come back to the work you’ve put down, with little time you have, you do the work with the best effort and the best results come because I do believe that when under pressure we also perform better (been there done that). That is when the formula is complete and your day becomes more productive, unintentionally.

My advice: do not keep those genuine thoughts out-of-the-way and stare at your work like some freak.. do something about it. If the work is that important not those thoughts down and weigh the most valuable considering time. In the end I do believe if you are old enough to read this post and not only understand it but endorse it than you have the better judgment to decide which comes first.

-Esperanza Writes

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What Does it Mean to be 21 Years Old?

14 Apr

Yes today, April 14th 2012, I turn 21 and I have this huge impulse to share with everyone out there what does it mean to be 21. Let is just sort things out that being the years before being 20 was just like being 16 was just like being 10.. All have no big of a difference and so is being 21 except for a few minor changes and should be’s when you come to this age. Other than the usual cliche: Today you are the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest that you’ll ever be, there is other things (just to point out this is kind of a depressing quote it is like you will go: Whaaaaaaaat?? I’m not going to be young again?):

  1. According to my beloved country, Kuwait, you are totally allowed to vote for the members of the parliament. So as if now I’m legally allowed to vote.. and my vote counts. Only one small problem or two. The next parliament isn’t due until four years later, so being 21 is not a count now or by some miracle the parliament would need to be re-electing (let’s hope not). The other I don’t really want the responsibility of voting unlike others I do take this matter seriously because under this single vote lies many changes to this country, who wins and who doesn’t, and due to myself who hates politics in general I would have to force myself into seeing who is worthy and who is not of my vote.. Conclusion: Not looking forward to it.
  2. I’m legally allowed IN OTHER countries to drink, and I do not mean drink hot chocolate or coffee.. tsk tsk get the humor side of me.

    I’m the kid on the right

  3. According to my bank I am not allowed to get a Visa card/internet buying card until I’m 21<<< that I’m looking forward to.. oh the things I will get to buy from amazon. Amazon I’ll be your favorite customer.
  4. I’m in full custody of myself.. meaning I’m considered as an adult and if I commit a crime I wouldn’t put in the kids prison but in the scary big one and if I do something right I won’t be getting a little star-shaped sticker in my notebook. I’m legally legal to exist.. or something like that.

    Amazing how little things like these used to be a big deal

  5. According to universal colleges I should be graduating by next year hence only one year left to graduate. But according to KU (Kuwait University) it is ok if I’m 21 now and I won’t be graduating for a possible two or three years more. No problem :)

I’m not really sure what more than this list could bring to hand .. Right now I think I’ve just been struck by reality that I’m actually no longer 16 .. I mean 20. Oh god I think I’m growing wrinkles (does wrinkles grow?) the next thing you’ll hear is that I’ve reached 100 years old. Times flies fast. What can 22 bring more to this?

p.s: Please note down that number 2 is a joke. I know that drinking is not only harmful but also haram and I do not intend to drink .. not now not later. I do not advocate it at all.

-Esperanza Writes

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I’m Telepathic

3 Apr

The thing about me is that I am very well driven by my own imaginations since birth until.. well until forever. People usually say that children tend to grow up and they will eventually get over that phase but not with me, not really I never grew up.. I’m still me except I’ve become realistic in some things but not in most things where I still believe I could probably fly one day and you know other imaginary stuff that people call “nonsense”. One of the things that I also believe exists and will reveal it wings is the power of mind.

Ever since I’ve watched “Matilda” I became so fond of the idea that I embraced it in my subconscious for a long time and maybe did an attempt or two in that field but failed and I only believe that I did not master it because of my lack of knowledge and concentration. And ever since I’ve known such thing as mind reading, like Edward from Twilight,  I would want that to be my super power, you know the question where they ask: If you could have one superpower what would that be? My answering would be mind reading, I mean most surely mind reading. Then came the now and this time where I’m a full-grown girl in her twenties (21 in a few days) and I study about parapsychology and telepathy (being able to make mind connections with people read here). Many studies now is trying to develop this theory into reality, that the brain has the superpowers to do such things. Examples such as twins feeling what the other is thinking of, a mother feeling for her children when they are in danger, you think of someone and that someone rings you at the same time are all a leading way to the evolve and acknowledging this science as a living one.

Some people are skeptic about this and say that this is “mere coincidence” yet I am not one of them I truly believe in this and I’m hoping that one day I could exceed it. Today I was waiting for my friends outside their class I looked down to the people below and tried sending them mental messages that “I am looking at you, look up” I told my friends after they went out and we got a good laugh, of course they mocking me with it and me persisting that I believe in it. They asked “well did they look at you?” I replied, “Well, no and that is only because I did not exceed my powers just yet.” Anyway they gave me a “mental hug” (how awesome!!) and we got great laughs out of it telling me not to tell anyone of what I believe in, and I followed just that advice and told no one.. which is true I only wrote it I did not tell right? ;p

How about you? What are your insights do you believe in the existence of such thing or not? Throw in your thoughts freely.. prove or disprove what I just said.. it is your opinion :)

-Esperanza Writes

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Five Reasons not to Trust a Dragon

6 Feb

As I was going out of my room and closing the door behind me I had this vision of a Dragon and then I got a little weird and thought “Dragons should not be trusted” (you know because we all see dragons everywhere and everyday). So here it is my dear readers “Five Reasons not to Trust a Dragon“:

First of all we all see dragons as cuddly and cute as they are. Adorable and you just want to be friends with them, I mean look at the picture above doesn’t he seem nice? but nevertheless looks can deceive you. You shouldn’t trust a dragon.

  1. When your friend the dragon, let us call him “Dragon” comes to pick you up for a walk you stroll down with him heading to the forest, because that what every dragon and person does, and on the way he gets a little tired and takes a deep inhale and then he exhales, he forgets that he exhales fire and you are right there in front of him and “POOF!” you turn into flames.

    You will turn out even worse

    You will turn out even worse

  2. Even if you got lucky and you were missed the fire will strike right into the tree that will burn and fall down right on you. The next thing you know is a tree is on top of you.
  3. You survive this limping and you still walk with your pal “Dragon”. You are heading into a city that is hosting a festival and “Dragon” get so excited and started to run, forgetting that he is a building large, and that you are right besides him and there you go under his big fat foot. Until he realizes it, it is too late your squished right under. He lifts his foot and puts his cute large paws on his mouth and let go an “Oops! Sorry”.
  4. You forgive him for what he has done because it was not intentionally made and proceed to the festival and suddenly all the crowd gets silent and watches “Dragon”. They start shouting with words you don’t understand and then you finally figure out that a Dragon is a great symbol to fortune and is suited with this celebration and they request from “Dragon” to do the honors and do the moves. “Dragon” turns to you with his puffed up chest and says with a new cocky manner “Sorry dude you are on your own right now!” and leaves you all broken to pieces because he thinks he is way better than you.
  5. So you go on to another place and people ask you why are you so sad and messed up and you tell them about your story with the dragon. They all look at each other and talk with a foreign language you ask what’s wrong  and they all get up with an angry vibe and throw you out of their town. Turns out they are superstitious towards dragons and you are a bad omen to them. You figure out that you are lucky enough that they just threw you out and nothing else.

Your luck is even worse than Elmer Fudd

Blame the vacation for this article.

 -Esperanza Writes

 

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Reasons to Assassinate Vacation

3 Feb

People love vacation. It is what they long for since the beginning of the year and be sad once it comes to an end. But no no , that does not to apply to someone like me. The truth is I’m in between an idea of assassinating vacation and bring an end to it. All the vacation I want is a week in between studying courses and that is vacation to me, HOORAY I got my vacation then I’m happily back to what I was doing. Here is why I hate vacation:

-Once vacation starts I have those wild ideas coming to me like: make a dream pillow, do a canvas with the receipts I’ve collected, go back to cooking , a long to-read books, grow wings and fly…etc. But turns out I’m too busy doing nothing I do not accomplish any of them until the vacation is over and I feel guilty for not doing them.

one day I will be able to grow wings and fly

-There is no excuses: You have no excuses for not doing things, you have plenty of time but yet you don’t do things and there is no excuses. Your room is messy you do not have an excuse for it not being tidy. You do not go to visiting you have no excuse to not go because apparently not feeling like it is not an excuse.

-You spend most of the time doing nothing: the whole time I try to find something to do I end up doing the following: surfing the net, watching TV, and plenty of eating with no documented movement at all.

-Related to the previous point so many time in your hand makes you think, like A LOT more than I usually do on regular basis some are more close to mental breakdowns. For example last night I was not to able to sleep (I do not regularly have trouble sleeping) because the following thoughts appeared: I’m going to have braces OMG what will my husband think about it? Will there be a husband? Oh No I’m not ready to be married. I don not think I’m up to the marriage responsibility yet. How will I cope with a guy I don’t know? When I will get married? Will there be a marriage at all? OMG I might end up a spinster!! I’m ending up a spinster! Esperanza your being dramatic, so what if you are not getting married it might be better than being married. Here is a back up plan if you reach 30 and you’re not married yet you could always adopt a child…etc. You can assume that I’m not married yet nor in a relationship I just have too many time in my hands to think of such stuff.

I might end up like this from over-dosing on thinking.

-Missing out on things that you’ve been waiting for you whole life to happen because again you are too busy doing nothing and you just can’t pop in the “I was busy excuse”. For example today’s debut  Flash mob  in Kuwait (wipes tears) (I hate you Zain and Cinemagics for not telling me).

-You feel like a useless drag doing nothing at least when you are in college you are actually studying.

-Spending your money on useless stuff like food. At least when I’m at college I have a reason to buy food. (Food is not useless. I love food. Food will you marry me?)

I'm giving this ring to my beloved "Food"

-Studying is fun! I love LOVE  studying literature. I love my major and vacationing means going away from my love. I learn a lot of things and I’m amused in class. (if you are waiting for me to tell you I’m joking you might as well die.)

-I love my studying. My major is fun! (no that was not a mistake I deliberately repeated the point for emphasis).

-When not vacationing I become productive learning everything that has been taught. Write because I meditate in between college breaks while I sit on the benches and see students being themselves and I get inspired. I discuss many topics freely and feel at home.

-Continuing to previous point I get to be alone and think clearly and not think of myself as a drag. I’m thinking and resting at the same time not because I don’t have anything to do. And not have family members intruding (I love my family but I also love some me time).

Don’t worry I won’t be electing myself. I just may end up as your next college professor (don’t worry if you actually wind up with me as a professor I can assure you I’m not cruel).

-Esperanza Writes

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